Quitting Porn

Quitting porn is possible!

By Cindy Pierce
4.28.21

Internet porn is a very different source of fantasy fuel than what was available a generation ago. Many parents dismiss the idea of discussing porn with their children for a number of reasons, often because they think it would be awkward and fear that it would make their child feel ashamed. Fathers often claim that internet porn just a modern version of the pornographic magazines and VCR tapes they viewed as teens. I find it interesting that adults defend internet porn while most young people in my audiences are highly concerned about how much they look at porn and how the content is impacting their relationships. In other words, the actual consumers of internet porn are worried about its impact, and the adults in their lives tend to accept it as normal and therefore not worth addressing.

College and high school students of all genders are reporting earlier ages of first exposure to porn. It is common to hear age nine as the first exposure to porn for boys in the US. Even kids who don’t have private access to a laptop or cell phone have friends who do; a lot of young people say they were motivated to look at porn because of how much their peers talk about it or show them.

Ideally, parents should discuss internet porn with their children before they are exposed. Many parents claim that bringing it up would make them more interested. Kids whose parents discuss sexuality early and often are more likely to make healthier sexual choices when they become teenagers. Discussing porn ear of inspiring their interest in porn

Parents must first convey that curiosity about sex and nudity is normal. Not overreacting is essential if you discover your child has been exposed to porn. It is important to explain to our kids that porn sex is not real sex and that performers are acting. The fact that the porn industry creates fictional sex scenarios that contribute to unrealistic sexual and physical expectations for consumers should help motivate parents to engage with their children. Talking to kids about porn before they are teens can help them avoid developing feelings of sexual and physical inadequacy based on comparisons to the unrealistic bodies, genitals and sexual acts seen in porn. Teenage boys are reporting more issues with erectile dysfunction because their partners bodies and sexual responses don’t match what they see in internet porn; this is called Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED).

The porn industry intentionally capitalizes on the fact that most teens of all gender identities have some level of curiosity about nudity and sexuality. Kids report that there is a lot of banter in school about porn, even as early as elementary school. Even kids who are late to develop want to understand what others are talking and often feel pressured to view porn in order to connect with peers. Once kids start looking at porn, it can quickly become a habit.

Masturbation is healthy and normal for all genders. However, masturbating with porn creates a strong association between feelings of pleasure and the sexual content viewers see in porn. The number one priority of the porn industry is to bring consumers back to their sites regularly. By watching a lot of porn, the brain becomes trained to respond to porn. For more details, studies and more information check out: Your Brain On Porn

There is increasing concern among teenagers about how challenging it is to break the habit of masturbating with porn. But there is hope! One can retrain their brain by not watching porn.

Below you will find tips, strategies and ideas to share with young people who may struggle with their relationship to porn. The hope is to motivate young people to create fantasies using their own imaginations, rather than relying on porn. Research has confirmed that with intentional practice, one can successfully retrain their brain and find success.

Who can help kids quit looking at porn?

  • Discussing sexual topics can feel awkward at first, but these conversations get easier with practice. As a parent, caregiver or an anchoring adult, you may feel especially nervous about discussing porn with kids. Keep in mind that if you choose not to discuss uncomfortable topics with your kids, the Internet will fill the void. Be buoyed by the fact that that teenagers actually want to know what the adults in their lives value and care about. Make it your business to learn and teach medically accurate information about sexuality. And don’t fret about what you don’t know. It makes kids feel better if you can admit that some information is new to you and that you don’t have all the answers. Assure them that you can figure it out by contacting experts or finding the most updated information from reliable sources. Kids who are exposed to adults who are open to learning will be less likely to admit what they don’t know.
  • Consider the idea that it is a privilege for your child to have access to a cell phone or the Internet. Such privileges mean that it is their responsibility to engage in open conversations with parents or caregivers about the content of what is available online. If they balk at having conversations, be clear that their cell phone and laptop privileges will be much more limited or disappear until they agree to have regular discussions about online safety and porn literacy.
  • Parents and caregivers may feel reluctant to discuss masturbation because they don’t want kids to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Parents, caregivers and other anchoring adults who model the courage to step into challenging conversations in order to connect kids with accurate information and resources demonstrate for kids what it looks like to get to the other side of awkward.

The following ideas and tips can help adults understand the impact of porn and guide conversations with their kids:

Is it possible to masturbate without porn?

  • Quitting porn does not mean quitting masturbation. It may take effort and vigilance to learn to masturbate without watching porn, but plenty of people have done it. (see Reboot Nation Success Stories)
  • Masturbating while watching Internet porn became more common when personal laptops enabled private access to and increased demand for Internet porn. Cell phones give kids and teens even more private access to Internet content with very little accountability.
  • Consider that over the millennia, people masturbated with gusto without access or with minimal access to porn on the Internet, on VCR tapes, in magazines, in photos, in drawings and even in etchings on cave walls. All they had was their imagination.
  • Masturbation is a life-long practice, both for people who are single and for those who have a partner.

What is required to quit looking at porn?

  • Quitting porn is hard. Support and guidance are available and can be helpful. The Reward Foundation – Quitting Porn
  • Quitting porn is an investment in healthier and more satisfying sexual relationships in one’s future.
  • A first step is to realize and accept that porn can lead to mental, physical, health and social issues. It is possible to rewire one’s brain (in essence, strengthen other neural pathways) when they stop looking at porn and stop fantasizing about what they used to see in porn. With practice, one can increase their ability to use imagination to generate sexual fantasies. Check out this short video Neuroplasticity to help you and your kids understand how one can change any habit.
  • It is important to seek reliable resources to help a person quit porn (see the list below).
  • Many of the most helpful resources are online. Here are some suggestions for those who may find any device to be a trigger. It is important to set up a plan to avoid being distracted by the porn they once viewed habitually. Encourage them to set a goal with a time limit and a restriction on what tabs they can open so that they are able to step away from the device once they’ve found the information they need from reliable resources. In the words of experts at Reboot Nation: “Learn your triggers; avoid them and replace them.”
  • “Cutting back” doesn’t work with most compulsive behaviors and actually prolongs the behavior. Taking a few days off of porn does not prove that a person doesn’t have a problem. When porn is viewed again, the same issues will resurface.
  • When a person gives up porn, it is common to experience withdrawal symptoms such as depression, headaches, anxiety, foggy brain and feeling emotional. These will subside over time when one can stick to a new routine

How long does it take to quit porn and what will change?

  • Being porn-free for four or five months is usually what is required to create a healthy sexual response cycle for people under 26 years old whose brains are still developing.
  • By watching a lot of porn, the brain is trained to respond to porn. One can retrain their brain to masturbate with imagination.
  • Teenage boys and young men often tell me that their sexual imagination disappeared once they started watching porn regularly. Everyone can change their mind, and their habits, if they are motivated and willing to practice.
  • If someone who watches a lot of porn is not yet convinced that quitting porn is possible or beneficial, it is worth doing a ten-day trial of masturbating without porn. A ten-day porn detox is usually enough time to get a taste of positive changes that could motivate quitting porn altogether.
  • Make plans for healthy activities and social interactions to replace the times usually spent looking at porn. When going online to do homework, attend online class or socialize, it is important keep track of how challenging it is to avoid porn.

What are the benefits of quitting porn?

  • Teen boys who quit porn report these common positive changes: improved erectile function; better focus in school and on homework; increased energy for activities besides masturbation; improved ability to generate fantasies from your imagination; decreased depression; and increased interaction with friends and family.
  • Once a person stops looking at porn, they will start to fantasize and have sexual thoughts that align more closely with their true sexual desires and interests rather than those created by porn. One can retrain their sexual response cycle.

What resources are available to help young people quit porn?

Resources for accurate information to answer your questions about sexuality

How Porn Skews Sexual Expectations
By Cindy Pierce TEDxKenmoreSquare

Books by Cindy

Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World

Sex, College and Social Media: A Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture

Special thanks to Nicola Smith for her keen eye in editing.