Review the introduction to this blog series: Manageable Doses of Advice for Parents
Most people are concerned about how time on screens increasingly and negatively impacts human connection and our mental well-being. However, when anyone suggests that kids and parents reduce time on screens, reasonable humans often react with an automatic stiff arm and feisty defensiveness. It is common to justify kids’ screen time with “Everything in moderation,” “We have to pick our battles,” or “It gives us a moment of peace.” Parents righteously justify their time on screens by claiming the bottomless pit of demands of their jobs and managing family life.
I get it. Peace and ease are rare commodities for parents of young kids. Letting kids watch a show or play a game on the iPad can buy you time to shower, cook a meal, have a conversation, or soak up a wee stare into space. I remember how much I craved boredom with small children. By the way, I haven’t found it, even though our kids are all in their twenties and living elsewhere. Boredom felt like torture as a kid, but wouldn’t we all embrace a slice of time with absolutely nothing to do? With ample void-filling options available in most households, kids rarely feel the lull and aimlessness of boredom. Experts are calling for parents to be actively involved with their kids’ online lives and to allow and encourage more offline freedom so kids develop independence and problem-solving skills. Boredom is a recipe for creative play.
As adults, we also seek a break in our day by scrolling or watching a show to soothe ourselves, feel rewarded, and unwind. We are all aware that we shouldn’t be on our phones so much, but there is always something that “must” be done for work, kids, or life. There will always be a few more dragons to slay before being present with our kids. Or, we feel so daunted by all we have to juggle that we need a little scrolling to make us feel okay even though we know it will have the opposite effect. It is easy to forget that every time kids of any age see parents focused on a screen in their presence, they get the message that whatever is on that phone is more interesting than they are.
We all know that less screen time is the direction we want to go in, but the latest research and how to make changes feels overwhelming. Jonathan Haidt’s work is a great place to start: “The mass migration of childhood into the virtual world has disrupted social and neurological development. This disruption includes social anxiety, sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation, and addiction. Alarmed by the rates of anxiety and depression in adolescents, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt wrote The Anxious Generation. The book explores these growing phenomena and attributes them to the transition from a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood. He provides actionable ways to address these phenomena in his book and interviews.”
You can find my full list of Social Media Guidelines on my website. Here are a few to consider:
- Avoid “fitting in” as the reason to get your kid a smartphone (for parents and kids)
- Be vigilant about screen-time conversations with kids and support them to build independence skills offline
- Hold strong with no-phone zones for kids and adults (car, at meals, in the bedrooms)
- Limit double screen time (watching a show and checking social media)
- Filters give a false sense of safety – have challenging conversations, establish limits, and use filters
Suggested Resources:
- Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
- The Truth About Social Media & Your Children Rich Roll interviews Jonathan Haidt
- Children and Screens – Helping Children Lead Healthy Lives in a Digital World
- Growing Up in Public; Coming of Age in a Digital World by Devorah Heitner, PhD
- Wisdom 2.0 with Soren The Hurried Life