Hookups and “Handlers”: Dragging Middle School All The Way To College

Social Courage takes practice. Many people hope that Social Courage will suddenly land on them and allow them to avoid awkwardness. Developing Social Courage requires a willingness to be vulnerable by diving into awkward soup with some regularity. Social Courage improves communication, which in turn improves relationships.

A common assumption among high school and college students is that sexual knowledge, ease and comfort are acquired by hooking up with a lot of partners. Hookup culture promises that drama will be avoided while sexual experience will be gained. Years of discussions with young people about sexual norms confirms that hooking up actually leads to a lot of below average sex and drama. No matter how hard people try to spin hookup sex as no big deal, they privately admit that they become consumed by wondering about how sex could be better, the imbalance of interest, and the effort to mask any emotional interest.

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Chancy Libido: A Wee Boost of Scottish Flare

It is amazing how sex leads to having kids, and having kids doesn’t lead to much sex. Sex drive can be elusive and require a conscious effort to keep it on the radar, especially with kids. Bruce and I often assume vacation will be a great sex opportunity, until we find ourselves in a house with thin walls, creaky floors and squeaky twin beds with our extended family. These factors are not obstacles for Bruce. He tolerates my stealth Navy Seal hand signals along with the shushing and pauses. It turns out that Ninja vacation sex is not that randy.

Many women complain that the biggest obstacle to enjoying sex is getting focused enough to start the engine. Aside from the legitimate stressors and busyness, many women fail to notice the random opportunities to help shift the mindset. Fantasy is not only healthy and normal, but it can veer your mind away from to-do lists and stress opportunities. Action follows thought. For me, catching an interview with Tom Brady jumpstarts a morsel of a sexual thought on which I can capitalize. I always send Brady back to the locker room once I have decided to have sex. As my mother told me, “Once you decide to have sex, you never regret it.” Continue reading

Book Event at the Norwich Bookstore – SEX, COLLEGE AND SOCIAL MEDIA by Cindy Pierce

Cindy Pierce will be presenting her new book, Sex, College and Social Media: A Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture this Wednesday, January 18th at the Norwich Bookstore at 7:00 PM

In her new book. Sex, College, and Social Media: A Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture, raconteur Pierce weaves together expert opinions, personal anecdotes, and the real feedback of today’s college and high school students, to help make those difficult conversations a little less difficult for everyone.

Please make a reservation by phone (802-649-1114) or email (info@norwichbookstore.com)

For more information about Cindy and her work: www.cindy-pierce.com

Avoid the Dog House and the Bra Bullies

This is a Dog House warning for the fellas. It is Christmas crunch time. You have probably seen the Beware of the Dog House video. Worth reviewing!

This is the time when you really need to lock in and stay focused on reality. Resist the temptation to buy the woman you love house cleaning gear and lingerie (this word is so foreign to me I had to look up how to spell it). I have personally witnessed some unfortunate Christmas Dog-House-inducing moments. One man’s crunch time purchase of a negligee and granny sweater for his wife of many years was a double jab that went over like a turd in the punchbowl. Despite his good intentions, his wife and all the females who witnessed the offering bossed him into going back into the retail madness to return the items. Continue reading


American Girls by Nancy Jo Sales makes it resoundingly clear that the impact of social media is moving so quickly that even teenage consumers struggle to manage their social lives. Parents and educators feel left behind and therefore reluctant to face the complicated reality their kids are navigating. Some parents choose to avoid the conversation because they don’t feel equipped. Many parents cross their fingers and hope it works out for their kids, counting on their kids to apply the values they taught them to this social arena, unfamiliar to parents. The social lives of kids are played out through their phones on multiple platforms invisible to most adults. While our kids are scrambling to stay socially relevant on their screens, it can appear that everything is fine. Without clear evidence of an issue or incident, parents don’t see the need to step in and guide their kids. When the drama and complexity of a situation is forced out of the virtual world into full view, parents are often shocked when it is clear how entangled their kids have become in social media. Continue reading



“Pierce, Cindy. Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World. Bibliomotion. Oct. 2015. 224p. notes. bibliog. ISBN 9781629560892. pap. $18.95; ebk. ISBN 9781629560908. CHILD REARING

Leading social sexuality educator Pierce maintains that what today’s kids need more than screen time are conversations with parents about values, beliefs, friendships, sexuality, and a host of other topics. In talking to their kids, parents are in a position to help them find their inner compass by unplugging and avoiding the trap of digital multitasking. Pierce cites a wide range of problematic media-driven issues for kids (e.g., hypersexualized female body images, violent masculinity) and urges parents to enter into the dialog to give their children alternative ways to behave and think.

Verdict While Pierce points out seemingly insurmountable pressures on today’s youth, she devises a workable plan for guiding them toward healthy life choices.—Deborah Bigelow, director emerita, Leonia P.L., NJ”

Link to original review:

Sex-Ed: US Colleges Should Take Note of Canadian Efforts to Prevent Campus Rape

I enjoyed this thought-provoking article from New York Times contributor Jan Hoffman on college rape prevention programs.


Jan Hoffman is right on with her conclusion that comprehensive rape prevention programs are our best chance to make changes on college campuses. I hope the success this program has brought to three Canadian colleges will inspire colleges in the US to adopt this approach. While more programming for men is needed, we should continue to address this issue from every angle with women, men, and campus faculty. One aspect of my aim as a high school and college speaker is to educate and engage boys and men to take part in changing the culture of their schools. I openly talk about the collision of factors that impact sexual decisions under the influence of alcohol in a normalized hookup culture. Sexual expectations are often skewed by the acceptance (often encouragement) of excess drinking, less face-to-face interactions contributing to less adept social skills, and hyper-sexualized messaging from porn and media. Alcohol, drugs, devices, and porn will always be accessible, therefore it is essential to educate consumers and users through a variety of programming to help change the lens for men. One positive shift I have seen is that more college men are open to conversations on topics like consent and bystander behavior, because they were educated about them in middle school. This kind of programming should be required, but it is also important to continue teaching girls and women about assessing risk, practicing self-defense, and defining personal sexual boundaries. – Cindy Pierce, author of SEXPLOITATION: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World