Avoid the Dog House and the Bra Bullies

This is a Dog House warning for the fellas. It is Christmas crunch time. You have probably seen the Beware of the Dog House video. Worth reviewing!

This is the time when you really need to lock in and stay focused on reality. Resist the temptation to buy the woman you love house cleaning gear and lingerie (this word is so foreign to me I had to look up how to spell it). I have personally witnessed some unfortunate Christmas Dog-House-inducing moments. One man’s crunch time purchase of a negligee and granny sweater for his wife of many years was a double jab that went over like a turd in the punchbowl. Despite his good intentions, his wife and all the females who witnessed the offering bossed him into going back into the retail madness to return the items.

Most fellas I know who are married to women are hoping to get laid more often…or hoping to get laid again. Unless your wife has clearly suggested that lingerie is what she hopes for, steer clear. I suggest taking the communication route to improve your sex life, especially if you are busy raising kids, have jobs and lack a full staff to do all the house and yard work. Years ago, my husband asked, “What would increase my chances?” Great question with simple answers: Don’t sulk or beg for sex, let’s plan sex that works for both of us (such as before 11 PM), use soap in the shower everywhere and brush your teeth with toothpaste. Chances increased, communication improved and sex is still on the radar.

Here is another tricky factor. The marketing of and the people who sell lingerie can easily convince you that your sex life depends on adding some steamy gear to the situation. And there you are backed in a corner with only a couple days to find a gift that will reflect thought (even if you had forgotten until now) or a gift that will seem passable. Don’t go into the lingerie shop.

I have met a number of bra bullies in lingerie stores over the years. Their enthusiasm for lingerie can be so overwhelming that they cannot accept the idea that some women don’t live on their planet of lacy push-up bras and skimpy thongs. I have met a few who have even appointed themselves as sex therapists for their customers.

The worst bra bully shaming I have witnessed occurred in a busy lingerie shop a few days after Christmas. I may have contributed to the bra bully’s foul mood by digging my heels in to buy a nude, full-coverage bra with a modesty cup despite her effort to ignite my sense of adventure and passion. When the bra bully moved behind the counter to help the next customer in line, she faced another practical woman with an infant and a toddler in tow. The woman was clutching a negligée with irritation asking about the return policy. It was evident that the item was a gift from her optimistic husband.

The bra bully had the gall to show her disappointment by clucking her tongue and shaking her head at the woman returning the skimpy negligée. Then she loudly huffed, “Are you sure you want to return this? Our policy is to give you store credit.” The mother of two squirmy kids responded with conviction, “Yes, I want to return this, and I do not want store credit.”

It was clear that the bra bully didn’t know or had forgotten what it takes for most mothers of young children to muster interest in an occasional ten-minute sex opportunity. The bra bully’s next sulky-toned comment stunned everyone in line, including the one man. “Well, don’t you want to make your husband happy?” The energy in the room shifted abruptly in strong favor of the mom. Even the other saleswoman was visibly anxious, keeping her eyes down and folding some items with extra care. The mom responded with a steely stare and irritated laughter letting the woman know that they she didn’t need her help to get laid. The witnesses silently cheered, soaking up the awkward silence as she accepted a refund rather than store credit.

After that, I found a new lingerie shop with saleswomen who don’t scold or shame. The store has a wide selection of bras, including practical bras for gals like me and steamy, hot bras for the ladies who want a little something to start the engine. It is an inclusive place where women get all the support they need.

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