Thoughts on “We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2015/10/13/were-casual-about-sex-and-serious-about-consent-but-is-it-working/

Cindy’s thoughts on “We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent”

Healthy sexual choices are not often made under the influence of alcohol and optimistic arousal. The unspoken social contract among young people dictates that hooking up is the way busy people conduct their sex lives. “Hooking up” is a conveniently vague term that allows people to evade judgment. The hookup culture has created an accepted reversed dating scene. Students of all ages laugh in agreement when I share the following quote from a fifteen year-old girl, “If you hook up once, one of the two people is interested. If you hook up twice, both are interested. If you hook up a third time, it’s a thing.” In other words, physically connecting with someone with whom you are emotionally disconnected is part of the deal and a way to see what might shake out. When students tell me it would be “awkward” to ask for consent, I say, “You are naked. That is awkward! Speak up and get to the other side of awkward or get dressed.” Freitas’s research aligns with my findings over many years of interviews with college students: Hooking up leaves many young women AND men feeling emotionally unfulfilled. The assumption that guys just want to get off is NOT true regardless of what guys say with a group of friends. Girls and young women also feel emotionally unfulfilled and rarely have orgasms in a hookup. The normalization of casual sex has made it a rite of passage, a way to join the club, feel wanted, and evade judgment. Many assume more sex leads to more skills. I have had a number alarming interviews with young men who have had many female partners and are relied on as the source of guidance and information for their peers. These guys are misinformed about female pleasure and misguide their peers. Without a connection, communication, and shared trust, people end up having a lot of below-average sex – one’s practice becomes his or her practice.

 

LIBRARY JOURNAL review of SEXPLOITATION: HELPING KIDS DEVELOP HEALTHY SEXUALITY IN A PORN-DRIVEN WORLD

My book  SEXPLOITATION: HELPING KIDS DEVELOP HEALTHY SEXUALITY IN A PORN-DRIVEN WORLD got a great review incindy-pierce-sexploitation the LIBRARY JOURNAL.

“Pierce, Cindy. Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World. Bibliomotion. Oct. 2015. 224p. notes. bibliog. ISBN 9781629560892. pap. $18.95; ebk. ISBN 9781629560908. CHILD REARING

Leading social sexuality educator Pierce maintains that what today’s kids need more than screen time are conversations with parents about values, beliefs, friendships, sexuality, and a host of other topics. In talking to their kids, parents are in a position to help them find their inner compass by unplugging and avoiding the trap of digital multitasking. Pierce cites a wide range of problematic media-driven issues for kids (e.g., hypersexualized female body images, violent masculinity) and urges parents to enter into the dialog to give their children alternative ways to behave and think.

Verdict While Pierce points out seemingly insurmountable pressures on today’s youth, she devises a workable plan for guiding them toward healthy life choices.—Deborah Bigelow, director emerita, Leonia P.L., NJ”

Link to original review:
http://reviews.libraryjournal.com/2015/08/books/nonfic/nonfiction-19th-century-crime-world-hunger-robotics-greek-philosophy-butterflies-more-xpress-reviews/

Here and Now: Educator Tackles Porn, Consent And Communication With College Freshmen

WBUR’s Here & Now — Aug. 12, 2015

here-and-now

For many freshmen around the country, college orientation this year will include more than learning to manage a meal plan or figuring out when to declare a major. It could also mean sitting through lectures about sexual behavior on campus, sexual assault and affirmative consent. Some also will require students to fill out honor code forms agreeing to behave in a sexually appropriate manner. Among the schools that have incorporated sexual assault and consent awareness into their freshman curricula in recent years are Elon University, George Washington University, Indiana University, Rutgers and Stanford.

Cindy Pierce is a New Hampshire-based sex educator, the author of the soon-to-be-released book “Sexploitation” and a popular speaker on campuses around the country. And while some argue that the programs are overkill, since students today have access to more information than any generation that preceded them, Pierce argues that it’s exactly because there’s so much information out there that today’s students need more guidance.
Continue reading

Sex-Ed: US Colleges Should Take Note of Canadian Efforts to Prevent Campus Rape

I enjoyed this thought-provoking article from New York Times contributor Jan Hoffman on college rape prevention programs.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/12/health/college-rape-prevention-program-proves-a-rare-success.html?hp=

Jan Hoffman is right on with her conclusion that comprehensive rape prevention programs are our best chance to make changes on college campuses. I hope the success this program has brought to three Canadian colleges will inspire colleges in the US to adopt this approach. While more programming for men is needed, we should continue to address this issue from every angle with women, men, and campus faculty. One aspect of my aim as a high school and college speaker is to educate and engage boys and men to take part in changing the culture of their schools. I openly talk about the collision of factors that impact sexual decisions under the influence of alcohol in a normalized hookup culture. Sexual expectations are often skewed by the acceptance (often encouragement) of excess drinking, less face-to-face interactions contributing to less adept social skills, and hyper-sexualized messaging from porn and media. Alcohol, drugs, devices, and porn will always be accessible, therefore it is essential to educate consumers and users through a variety of programming to help change the lens for men. One positive shift I have seen is that more college men are open to conversations on topics like consent and bystander behavior, because they were educated about them in middle school. This kind of programming should be required, but it is also important to continue teaching girls and women about assessing risk, practicing self-defense, and defining personal sexual boundaries. – Cindy Pierce, author of SEXPLOITATION: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World

Mike Birbiglia’s School of Driving

Teaching my kids to drive sets fire to just about every one of my worst traits. I am really not cut out for the job. If it weren’t for Mike Birbiglia’s comedy CDs, my kids would never acquire the driving hours needed to get a driver’s license.

There was a period of time when I was a calm cat sitting in the passenger seat with one of my kids backing up and turning around the car in the driveway. Driving on the road changed everything. By the time Zander was ready to drive to a place more than one hundred yards from our house, I was so at ease that I didn’t even give him too many tips on how to do it. Plus, we live in a rural area. Two hundred yards down the road, I was launched into a crazed state. My right calf was fully cramped because I stomped on the imaginary brake, I had a grip on the “oh shit handle,” and my backside was off the seat in fully coiled fear-flex.

Decades ago, I did some therapy to help me manage my catastrophic thoughts. Fear of the dark was an obstacle for me, but I used the strategies and breathing techniques in all areas of my life. None of this work converts to the kid learning to drive gig.

The speedometer read 20 MPH, but it felt like 50 MPH. I warned him that we were heading into the ditch in a strong tone. He overcompensated by crossing the yellow line. I practically screamed at him to move back over. When I heard sticks crackling on the edge of the ditch, I lost it, “PULL OVER. PULL OVER!!”
Continue reading

Sex Comic Visit

The Taft Papyrus — Nov. 7, 2014

By Kayla Kim
News Editor

taft-papyrus-page“Sex is awkward forever,” says Cindy Pierce. “You are physically naked with a partner; you are emotionally naked. There is nothing that can rescue you from the inevitable awkwardness of that situation.” Cindy Pierce is a college speaker and comic storyteller who visited Taft in late October and spoke separately to the lower and upper school about, to put it simply, sex.

Taft’s newly formed Health and Wellness Committee chose Cindy Pierce specifically to address sexuality and healthy sexual relationships. “Several Taft faculty and students heard her speak at the Independent Schools Gender Project Conference and thought she was fantastic,” says Mrs. Sarah Koshi, Coordinator of Character, Leadership, and Wellness. “She also has spoken at some of our peer schools including Berkshire and Hotchkiss and has received rave reviews.” Continue reading

COMFORT IN THE STUMBLE – October 24th – Brattleboro, VT

20131019-pierce-gh-287Contact: Meghan McGeary – 802-448-9750

(Brattleboro, VT) – Comedian Cindy Pierce will perform her show Comfort in the Stumble on Friday, October 24th at the New England Youth Theatre in Brattleboro, VT. All ticket sales will benefit Planned Parenthood of Northern New England (PPNNE) and their plans for a new health center in Brattleboro.

Self-described as an “Incident Magnet,” funny lady Pierce will share stories on the healing power of oatmeal, wrangling humor in the birthing chamber and more.

“Planned Parenthood is leading the charge on sexuality education and policies that give women choices about their sexual health,” said Pierce. “These issues are very important to me both personally and professionally. In all of my work as a comic storyteller, I hope to empower more people to get the information, support, and awareness they need to make healthy choices. I am honored to work with Planned Parenthood.”

PPNNE is raising funds for a new, state-of-the-art health center in Brattleboro to better serve the community and enrich patients’ experiences as they seek reproductive health care. The current health center, an old Victorian house, lacks the infrastructure necessary for modern health care, including adequate space to efficiently see patients and space to mentor the next generation of practitioners.

“Time and again, our Brattleboro patients rave about the health care they receive,” noted Meagan Gallagher, PPNNE President & CEO. “Unfortunately, the space does not reflect the quality of care we provide. And it’s time to change that.”

In 2013, more than 1,400 patients received reproductive health care at the PPNNE Brattleboro health center, totaling more than 2,200 visits. 69% of these patients had incomes at or below the federal poverty level, $17,235 or less for a single person.

Comfort in the Stumble is hosted by Lisa Ford, Melany Kahn, Leah Nussbaum and Rita Ramirez. Doors open at 6:30pm, where show-goers can enjoy snacks, a cash bar, and a raffle. The show begins at 7:30pm. Comfort in the Stumble is adults only and contains some graphic sexual language.

Tickets may be purchased at http://bit.ly/cindypiercepp or through http://www.ppnne.org

###

About Planned Parenthood of Northern New England (PPNNE): PPNNE is the region’s largest provider of sexual and reproductive health care. In 2013, PPNNE served more than 42,000 patients at 21 health centers across Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont, including 11 health centers in Vermont alone.

About the PPNNE Brattleboro Health Center: 1,464 patients received care at the Brattleboro health center in 2013, totaling 2,289 visits. 17% of the patients were teenagers and 46% were in their twenties. 69% of patients had incomes less than the federal poverty level. In 2013, the health center provided 499 pregnancy tests, 262 pap tests to screen for pre-cancerous cervical cells, and 2,930 tests for HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis.

About Cindy Pierce: Cindy Pierce is on a mission to bring truth about sex and relationships to the forefront through comic storytelling. Cindy has been honored as one of “14 Remarkable Women of the Arts” in New Hampshire magazine and a Pioneer with three others in the category. In 2012, she won the Nantucket Film Festival’s Late Night Storytelling competition in the amateur category. Cindy lives in Etna, New Hampshire with her husband and three children, where they own and run Pierce’s Inn.

The Tom Brady Doom Squad

tbradypatsOptimists make chicken salad out of chicken shit. Boston Sports Media seemed so desperate for news and viewers this week that they were making chicken shit out of chicken salad. Yes, Tom Brady is aging, but is still one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL. The Patriots are poised to have a great run. Many would argue they have what it takes to get to the Super Bowl. They have talent and depth in all phases of the game, enough to withstand the usual number of injuries and setbacks. Tom Brady is healthy and on fire with a strong back-up quarterback. We have been waiting for this. Why such endless doom chatter?

You don’t have to be Nostradamus to predict that Tom Brady will retire in the next 2-5 years. He is in his late thirties. He has stated he wants to play into his 40s, which is possible for Brady who continues to prove that he is a tough-as-nails badass. Why undermine this goal with all the doom when energy could be spent focused on all that is aligning for the New England Patriots right now?! It isn’t even worth our time since Bill Belichick doesn’t really have a problem disappointing people. In the unlikely case that Brady loses perspective, we can count on the smart, savvy and salty Belichick to send Brady on his way.

I feast on Patriots news of any and all kinds wherever I can squeeze it in. Not this week. By mid-week, I vowed to stop watching until kick-off time on Sunday. The Sports Media Doom Squad would not stop riding the idea that Tom Brady is fading, won’t be able to recognize when the time comes to retire, or will get traded to another team because that is how this business works. Most the commentators don’t believe him when he says he will stop playing when he sucks.

I know it is the job of sports media to get our hackles up, to get us thinking and to make our blood boil here and there. It is entertainment for a lot of people to watch sports commentators take sides, sling opinions, fill the time with banter and fight about who was or is going to be right or wrong. Thought-provoking banter is good stuff, but this week of news about the Patriots was tiresome.

I know the commentators like to be the first to predict outcomes, so they can remind each other and us when they were right. If they didn’t remind us as often as they do, we wouldn’t know because we don’t really spend much time remembering when they are right or wrong. We tolerate their squawking and bickering for the nuggets of news in and between all that. The constant reminding on air of who was right or wrong inspires some viewers with time on their hands to tell them when they were wrong, which leads to more madness. Most of us are busy people moving on to the next thing. Since I am not watching news about the Patriots this week, I have time for this rant.

Early in his career, people loved how Brady was squeaky clean, but then it irritated people that he is actually a fine, genuine person on top of being an amazing athlete. The adoration-Shadenfreude-worship-resentment swirling combination ultimately causes people to eagerly sniff for mistakes with the media or in his personal life. It has been over a decade, and the guy remains pretty darn squeaky clean. He is a gifted quarterback, intelligent, well-spoken, a family guy, kind-hearted and unreasonably attractive with a supermodel wife. Yes, the guys is hot. In fact, he could be held responsible for kicking the collective libido of many women in New England up a few notches. Everybody wins with that, people, but I digress. It is hard for the haters to justify their hate for Tom Brady. Instead of wasting our time and energy on negativity, let’s cheer this amazing guy on as he leads our favorite team to a great season.

* By the way, for anyone out there who thought Giselle was “just a model” without much else going, watch her new Under Armor ad. It turns out Giselle is a tough-as-nails badass lassie herself. Good for her!!

Coming to Nantucket!

Hey folks, Please forward this post to anyone you know on Nantucket. I am performing my new one-woman show on Nantucket on August 11th. Details….
COMFORT IN THE STUMBLE
A One-woman Show by Cindy Pierce
Monday, August 11th at 7:30 PM
at the White Heron’s Tent Theatre
5 North Water Street, Nantucket, MA
Tickets: $25 bit.ly/heron-pierce

cindy-pierce-white-heron